Oh Internet. Oh Facebook. Oh Blog.
It's been a while since I've been up in here. I feel like I practically have to dust spider webs off my keyboard.
Where has the time gone? January is pretty much over and I haven't shared so much as one wise tidbit with you yet.
My apologies.
Have you felt lost without me or what?
I've felt lost without yooooou. And when I feel lost or out of touch, where do I turn but my favorite cyber-social-updater.
The one and only Facebook.
Teacher. Mother. Secret Lover.
I was doing my normal nightly stalking, when I came across a friend's album. I know him from high school and he's joining the Air Force. The album was just some pics of him and his family saying good-bye as he was leaving for Basic. There was a picture of him eating at the Olive Garden, giving hugs, snuggling his cat for the last time, etc...and then, the last picture, was of him walking into a hotel.
I instantly recognized it.
It's the Holiday Inn across from the airport. The one where they put people up the night before they leave for training.
I've watched someone walk through those doors before.
I got this huge lump in my throat.
Normally, I'm not a crier. Like at all. But that picture took me back.
It took me back to a day 8 months ago when I stood in that parking lot, outside that hotel, alone with a baby and a GPS to find my way home.
I cried for a little bit, in front of my computer screen. The overwhelmingness of that day, the relief that it's over. I felt so lost. So unsure of what was going to happen in the following months. Not knowing whether we would make it out alive. This past year was a pretty crazy one for me. It was a long year, at the time, but now it feels like some of it never even happened. Like it flew by and was already a hundred years ago. Funny how that happens.
*shaking away the wistful look in my eye*
I thought it would be a) cool to fill out this survey I stole from a friend because I'm b) bored and c) don't feel sleepy yet.
1.) What did you do in 2011 that you had never done before?
Hmm. Well, seeing that I was abandoned for most of the year, I can think of lots of things. I think I'll narrow it down to "Bought furniture off of Craig's List". I searched and searched and finally found just the right set. *sigh* I love my new couch.
2.) Did you keep your New Year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
No. On both counts. I don't make resolutions. (See previous blog) I find that disappointment comes from setting bar too high. If I say "I'm gonna lose 90 lbs!", but then lose 3, I will be sad. However, if I don't set a goal and realize, at the end of the year, that I've lost 3, I'll just think "I'm awesome!" See? Which fatty would you want to be?
3.) Did anyone close to you give birth?
A couple friends had babies, yeah. No family though. I'm uncomfortable with this question. Like, define "close".
4.) Did anyone close to you die?
No. And I'm very thankful for it.
5.) What countries did you visit?
None. Thanks for reminding me that I pretty much stayed at home, in my living room, for an entire year. Thanks.
6.) What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
A child that is able to communicate with me so we can avoid fits of rage and tears. A body like Kim Kardashian. A diamond tennis bracelet. And moves like Jagger. If I can't have any of those things, I'd at least like to have enough money to pay the bills, a reliable vehicle, and more real conversations with my man-partner.
7.) What dates from 2011 will remain etched in your memory, and why?
January 10- The day James officially enlisted. May 9- The day James left for Basic. July 23- The day I lost a sister and gained a Moses. July 5- The day my little boy was reunited with his long-lost...male body part. October 13- The day James came home. November 22- Our 5 year anniversary of being together.
8.) What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Walking in the ceremony at my college graduation. One of my proudest moments so far.
9.) What was your biggest failure?
Not starting grad school. Epic fail there. I'm already, like, a year behind where I wanted to be.
10.) Did you suffer illness or injury?
Fortunately, no. Huuuge relief there. (knock on wood, I suppose.) Our family was blessed with health last year. Super grateful for that!
11.) What was the best thing you bought?
I didn't buy things so much as I just gave my money away to a bunch of stupid people who think they deserve it. I seriously can't think of anything all that great I bought, besides the aforementioned furniture.
12.) Where did most of your money go?
Bills. The end.
13.) What did you get really excited about?
Thomas learning to walk. It was only the most amazing process ever. Oh and seeing family at/ being a part of/ planning my sister's wedding.
14.) What song will always remind you of 2011?
"Moves like Jagger". Seriously. That song was, like, my whole year. Also, I have to give a special shout out to my brother David's jam "If I Die Young".
15.) Compared to last year, are you:
- happier or sadder? Eh. I'd say I'm maybe happier. I've kind of let go of some things and moved on to newer, better-ish places.
- thinner or fatter? The SAME. I literally and honestly have not lost or gained a single pound this entire year. I can't decide if that's lucky or unlucky...I don't know how to feel about it.
- richer or poorer? Probably poorer. Yeah, I'd say poorer. Most def.
16.) What do you wish you'd done more of?
I really wish I'd been able to hang out with friends more. Traveling was, unfortunately, not in the cards. Though I so wish it had been.
17.) What do you wish you'd done less of?
I really wish I'd done less solo-parenting. Teething, etc. is not quite as much fun when you're trying to figure it out alone. Also, I wish I'd have had less need to be concerned about my little guy's health. The beginning of 2011 was nor so good for us.
18.) How did you spend Christmas 2011?
Oh Christmas. How talking about dividing you makes me want to kill myself. I spent Christmas here and there, constantly reminding myself what the whole point of it all was.
19.) What were you favorite books of the year?
Oddly enough, having complete charge of an infant who neither naps (EVER) nor has a regular bedtime nor sleeps by himself makes one nearly incapable of reading for pleasure. Hmm. Fancy that. I want to read this year though. I miss it!
20.) What was your favorite music of the year?
I was really loving me some Lady Gaga....
21.) What were your favorite films of 2011?
Fun fact: I did not go to the movies not once in 2011. "The Hangover 2"..."Bridesmaids" was pretty dec...."Sucker Punch" confused me, even though I wanted to love it..."Pirates of the Caribbean"
22.) What was your favorite tv program?
My mom and I got really into "America's Next Top Model", watched 2 seasons of that. Also, "Raising Hope" and "Teen Mom". Oh, and "Criminal Minds" while I was up late nursing.
23.) What did you do on your birthday and how old were you?
I spent the day at a costume party we threw for Tom's 1st birthday. So really it was kind of my party. After that, we went out to eat at a Mexican place with my family. I got to watch my mom do a shot for the first time too, which was great (not her first time, just my first time seeing it.) I turned 23. (And that was the 23rd question! I must be lucky or something. Mom, do another shot of tequila rose!)
24.) What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Having a car. Hands down. It don't feel like big pimpin' when you have to beg to borrow your mom's mini-van.
25.) How do you describe your personal fashion concept of 2011?
In a word: cheap. Basically, my concept for 2011 is a carry-over of everrrrrything I wore in 2010. That's my "concept". "Oh, it's leftover from last year and don't have moth bites or pit stains? I'll take it!" I spent much of my time dressed comfortably as well. Anything that fits good, is easy on the eyes and wallet, and hides the "fat apron" that came with my c-section scar.
26.) What kept you sane?
You, Internet. It was you all along. You remind me that there is a world beyond. Beyond my little town, beyond the demands of a baby, beyond my living room. You remind that I know people! I have friends! Somewhere out there. Sanity was a loose term for me last year.
27.) Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011?
("Tell us". Us?) Always trust your first instinct. If something doesn't feel right, it's probably not. Don't try and talk yourself out of it or rationalize or make excuses. Go with it. It's not some kind of "follow your heart" type crap. This is real life! Do it. "I gotta go with my gut. And my gut likes what it sees."
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