What's in a name?

It seems like Baby Season is upon us yet again. I feel like I know tons of pregnant people (specifically women) right now. Everyone's havin' babies!

In all the joyous excitement, I started looking at baby names.

I visited a baby name site- nameberry.com- which was super fun to browse (I promise I had already had my "comic book" name list before I saw theirs). However, I was baffled by the names that were trending.

Mowgli

Caliban

Paci

Maeva

Sully

Are these people for real!? Sadly, yes. Yes, they are. I've seen it first-hand, having worked at a day care. There's some doozies out there. But, I'm a mutha, so I understand ------> Naming a baby is hard. Truthfully, one of the hardest things everrrr. However, it seems in all the confusion going on whilst naming babies, some people have gone horribly astray. Thus, I give you...the rundown on dumb names.

There are 3 types of stupid names.

(Some of the categories and subcategories smear, but whatev)

First, there's the "I-want-my-kid-to-sound-edgy-and-cool-thus-I-will-try-my-darndest-to-make- him-sound-like-a-comic-book-character." For example:

• Atticus Finch
• Tobias Ryder
• Finley Sloan
• Damian Creed
• Phineas Jethro

A subcategory of this group is the names that are really places. See?:

• Egypt
• London
• Asia
• Paris
• Aspen
• Laredo

Then, there are the "I-want-my-child-to-be-a-free-spirit-An-individual-I'm-too-cool-for-school...and-real-names." These names can be nature-based, art/ culture based, or totally made up. For example:

• Apple
• Jupiter
• Pax
• Kalel
• Winter
• North
• Tuesday

A subcategory of this group, are the people that choose names that aren't really names, but, instead are things. Examples include:

• Cameo
• Nutella
• Sparrow
• Moxie
• Domino (I for real did not make that one up.)

Then, there are the "We-want-to-be-trendy-but-not-too-out-there-So-let's-blast...(too far)-into-the-past." *cough* Hipsters *cough* *cough* For example:

• Hugo
• Oscar
• Edna
• Leopold
• Moses
• Gus

Then, there are the "Why-spell-it-"normal"?-Who-likes-"normal"?-I-want-to-keep-people-guessing." With this group it's not so much the names that are the problem...it's the way they're... dressing them up.

• M'Kaela
• Justyn
• Kayt
• Ashlei
• Graison

I find it necessary to make a subcategory here to include the names where all they've done is add "lynn" to another name. (I will admit that they're not stupid. They just annoy me.) Observe:

• Ashlynn
• Taralynn
• Emmalynn
• Jennilynn
• Gracelynn
• Zoelynn
• Brinlynn

The two excuses for bad names always seem to be either:

1. "We just want our child to be an individual. We want her to stand out from the crowd. A name/spelling that no one's ever heard of will do just that. Unique name= unique child."
2. "It's our baby. We should be able to name him whatever we want. It shouldn't be anybody else's business. We'll name him what we want to. He's ours."

Those excuses are lame, to put it mildly. Lame, I say!

1. I feel sad for a person who only feels cool because their name is. Or pretty. Or smart. I also feel sad for a parent who thinks that their kid's only shot at being an individual is a unique name. Don't get me wrong, I understand not wanting your kid to be lost in the crowd, but come on! I want to at least have a little faith in a) my child's unique personality and b) my parenting skills. This is coming from someone who has a name that's been in the top 200 names since 1880. (There were over 7,600 little Sarahs born in the US last year. Fun fact.) I used to joke that my parents should have just given me a number. There was always another Sarah. Always. Did I let that affect me? Heck no. Would I be any cooler if I was a "Branwen Lake" instead of a "Sarah C."? Would I be more of an individual? I don't think so.
2. You're right, your baby is your baby. You technically have the right to name him or her whatever you choose. However, I think people forget that while it is their baby, it isn't their name. They aren't the ones having to constantly correct people, "It's Kayt. With a 'y'." They aren't the ones having to explain what kind of a name "Fergus" is. Basically, just because you can doesn't mean you should.

Bottom line: Think long and hard about your choice. You may think that your baby's name is unique and will make your child really pop. But little Zelda Ripley (I could not make this stuff up!) may not feel so awesome about her name. Imagine your baby as the President or a lawyer or a physicist or a doctor or even as an adult trying to be taken seriously. He's gonna grow up someday and he'll have to use that name. You'll be long gone and that name will still be there.

I'm not saying I'm the greatest baby-namer that ever was, but I imagined my son as a man, as an adult person. I imagined him introducing himself to potential employers. I tried to see him as a business man or a teacher or a construction worker. I pictured him as a grandpa. I recognized that he was my child, not my pet. It's my responsibility to grow him into an adult.

I also worried about a name that single him out in a negative way. Fact: kids are mean. Fact: kids are dumb. Pretty much any name ever can have a horrible nickname come grades school. It just happens and there's not much you can do. You can't protect your child from every bully in life, but for Pete's sake give them a fighting chance! Some of these names are just askin' for it.

So what's in a name? Can you really "name your baby's destiny"? Did I force my son into a life of mediocrity? I honestly don't know for sure. But I like to think that God has plans for my son's life regardless of whether I named him Bill or Englebert Humperdink.

Choose the name you think is the very best for your child. Just remind yourself that it's their name, not yours and that you're raising an adult, not a Giga P

Rule #1: Make your child's name a gift, not a curse.

***Disclaimer: I am NOT attacking any one name on a personal level. I promise. I just like to write and these are just my opinions. You are quite welcome to have your own.

Solet'salldanceandbefriends.